my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
