Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i will never coherently bang her
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
