Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
