i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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