he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
