Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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