New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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