Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
