I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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