I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
