Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
