Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can't turn off my feet"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
