My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I deserve this hangover.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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