you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
please don't ironically join a cult
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