i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
