in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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