We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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