i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
