You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
