I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
