We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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