***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Someone signed my nipple.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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