Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i dont even know how to be here
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
