dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
