i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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