Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
