i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
