I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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