How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
