your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You can't special order awesome
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Randomize
