You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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