I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
