Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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