So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
