I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
