I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
