Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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