That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
