mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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