I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
