pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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