It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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