Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
