For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
