Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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