'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
