how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
