Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
