____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
