I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
