About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
